Monday, May 25, 2009

The truth about love?

Well I hate to say it but even though I am hopeless romantic all the time, I have to be realistic lately. I got a different perspective from a fellow employee that I work with about love. He told me that he does not believe in love, or marriage or relationships. He does not want to get married, he does not want kids and he thinks that love is a joke and it is something that people make up as a fantasy in their head. Hmm... I was very put off by his negative attitude about love...until he explained his theory.
He explained to me that he does not think that one person can be faithful to the other person, that instead of telling the truth we lie in our relationships so we don't hurt the other person's feelings. We don't show our true colors for a long time and then it is too late (esp for guys I thought) so instead we lie or become these people that, in fact, we are not. Also the divorce rate is way larger then those couples that actually do stay married. Look at your parents or your friends' parents how many are still really married? (mine never even got married after my mom had me AND my older sister by the time she was 20 and my dad was 22!)
I was in shock at his reasoning, because I really do see the perfect relationship with this guy that I really care about to death, but I have not even been with him for that long... Ugh. Then there is my wretched past that does not EVER escape me. You know that one relationship that was so on and off you are not really sure if it was even real, but when you weren't wanting to kill eachother you actually saw a future?? Ha. ya. Kill me.
SO. I am really having some major questions in my head here. Was he right? And does love not exist? It's just a fantasy we make up in our heads? I sure hope not, because even if i did get this theory and information that made me question love, I still totally believe in it. Call me Charlotte from Sex and the City who wants the fairy tale ending... but I do.
I will totally step into the new roller coaster ride that I about to encompass with that new special someone with a strong head on my shoulders and my heart in his hands.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

When is it going to END?

I have to say that I used to not care so much what people thought. The world would be falling down all around me and I would be like "It's ok, it's ok!" Ha ha well not so much anymore. This hell hole of a town makes it hard not to care what people think or say about you. At least lately for me. People that I used to trust everything with are saying hurtful things that I cannot handle anymore. Also, I feel like some "friends" no longer call me just to say "hi" they are calling to ask to borrow something, they need a favor or they just need something from me. It is very disheartening. I am really starting to shove people away that I used to be close with because I feel like I am a doormat for them to walk all over. I know, waaa, cry me a fricken river, right?!
Ha! I am not EVEN trying to feel sorry for myself, I am opening my eyes to the real people of this town and they are showing me their true colors! I feel like it's actually revealing. All people that I have unresolved issues with are out in the open and friendships have ended, and you know what I am OK with that!
I would rather have a handful of very close friends then a bunch of people that call themselves my friends and talk crap behind my back.
I think I could write a book on how many times I have been screwed over by bitches. And it's not just girls.
Maybe there is something wrong with me...wait... nope. I consider myself a pretty damn good friend!

LOL. Well anyways, all I want is to be with my guy and move to San Diego and meet new girls and keep my small circle of girlfriends here close and start a life of adventure without the drama! Aaah I cannot wait till then!! Until then I will have to keep my eye out for the fake labeled girls/guy friends and focus on myself!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


As I sit here with so many things dancing around in my mind, a tear rolls down my face. Why do I let myself get so stressed out? There is a book my parents had in the bathroom called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff." I used to read it as I sat on the toilet and think, ya sure, don't sweat having 3 finals, no money, bf just dumped me and I am fighting with my best friend. FML. ha. Well, today I was dealing with most of those problems (only problems 1 and 2) and as I was crying, I received an email from my dad and he actually helped me out financially with my trip to Spain! I never ever though that would happen! I am so overjoyed I could cry with tears of happiness, not sadness!
Now to deal with the 3 finals that I have pretty much back to back tomorrow! I wish that teachers would know that not only do we have to stress about all the damn small stuff, the big stuff like graduating and getting As makes us pretty much so damn stressed we end up in the hospital with anxiety attacks and can't breath!! Now I am just babbling, I needed to write something because writing helps me relax.